The solution to this problem is, and always has been, a national department of party hat distribution.

1:48

Was that really fucking necessary?

Is sensationalism harming a genuine cause, or is sensationalism the only way to register with dumb, fat Americans?

I hope America dies from being fat. I hope it does!

2:26

Americans, to the best of my knowledge, do not make a habit of shoving chicken tenders up their asses.

Mississippi is apparently the source of the fat cancer.

Now I feel scared to death, and I'm a skinny European!

5 for the mixing job on the music, I can't hear the dialog you assholes.