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Elvis Costello sprang from the womb fully and perfectly formed like Athena.
Elvis Costello independently developed the fluid mosaic model of describing the structure of biological membranes one morning over Eggos and tea.
It is a common misconception that Costello wears glasses. What appear to be glasses are actually a set of sense organs unqiue to Elvis that give him the ability to both read minds and set fires with just a thought.
And despite all of that, he can't dance a good goddamn.
It's New Wave, he doesn't have to.