These people are somehow worse looking than the Long Island lady.

Because, um...you?

"Are you good looking?"
"No, I'm pretty homely. Most people are visibly startled by my appearance, and some people openly exclaim their disgust. Sometimes I get so depressed I lock myself in the bathroom and cut myself. Do you like cats? I have 40."

well, they knew their market, i guess.

The first girl they show seems to have a bleached praying mantis eggsack on her head. That's the sort of thing you need to disclose to potential dates on the phone.

Dial a Date lands takes you to exotic locales like, this sidewalk!

"I called Whadonchuu."

Well that's one weird name, lady.

Where to begin?

1980s limo. That would be a turnoff by today's standards.

OK, here's the thing:
I'm so freaking horny right now - my girlfriend is away, in the woods... probably shooting guns with god-knows-who, and I really need a hard dose of love.
I feel these dating videos have allowed for frank and honest discourse, and so I would like to offer a proposition to any of poeTV's two+ girls:

I want. to suck. your toes.

All you have to do is be into the Baroness; be competent with firearms (particularly the automatic variety); and you must own a bikini - bonus points if it's of the Stars'n'Stripes.

These 5-stars are for you -
In return I WILL PAMPER YOU.

The first guy looks like a young Ron Livingston.