I was a teacher in this district when I was twenty-five years old. Hard to believe. My grandfather was a teacher; father too. Me and him was teachers at the same time; him up in Sapporo and me out here. I think he's pretty proud of that. I know I was. Some of the old time teachers never even had laser eyes. A lotta folks find that hard to believe. Jim Scarborough'd never had them; that's the younger Jim. Gaston Boykins wouldn't use his up in Kutchan. I always liked to hear about the oldtimers. Never missed a chance to do so. You can't help but compare yourself against the oldtimers. Can't help but wonder how they would have operated these times. There was this boy I sent to the 'lectric chair at Abashiri here a while back. My arrest and my testimony. He killt a fourteen-year-old girl. Papers said it was a crime of passion but he told me there wasn't any passion to it. Told me that he'd been planning to kill somebody for about as long as he could remember. Said that if they turned him out he'd do it again. Said he knew he was going to hell. "Be there in about fifteen minutes". I don't know what to make of that. I sure don't. The crime you see now, it's hard to even take its measure. It's not that I'm afraid of it. I always knew you had to be willing to die to even do this job. But, I don't want to push my chips forward and go out and meet something I don't understand. A man would have to put his soul at hazard. He'd have to say, "O.K., I'll be part of this world."

This is from a long series of commercials about a shape-changing space alien who, after seeing a movie, took the form of Tommy Lee Jones in order to blend in and investigate Earth.

I don't know why I thought that would explain anything.

Also, the teacher who shows up at the end is Takeda Tetsuya, best known for playing a teacher in a popular TV show.

Damn, I need some of that Lainbow Mountain.

I mean, the power of hair-mowing chalk? Sign me up.

Beautiful.