if there's one "...pizza eats YOU" joke I swear I'll hunt you down as you sleep at night and cut you

Russia is just sad in the post Cold War world. And, "In Soviet Russia...."

and thus the enemy was defeated

Because nothing heals the wounds of total economic ruin better than American pizza franchises.

In Soviet Russia, personal pan pizza is owned by state and shared by masses!

What a Pizza!

Who was that little kid, his date?

The next day the market crashed. No one was upset until someone pointed out it meant they could no longer afford pizzas. Thus began the coup attempt.