Fuck..

that right. google him.

oh my fucking christ. you poor dumb bastard.

I mean, shit like this actually does make me feel genuinely sorry for him. He's so incredibly naive that it hurts. If a girl so much as says a polite hello to him, it's time to prepare for a sexy wedding night. I mean, holy fuck, that's like a ten year old's level of operation right there.

That being said, the ultimate dick troll move would be to set him up with a black girl. As ridiculous and sad as he is, it would be something to see him try to reconcile his crazy racist redneck ways with the chance to actually get laid.

The "just in case you change your mind" clause at the end is equal parts ballsy and retarded.

His romantic journey starts, as so many others do, with a coupon for chicken nuggets.