His great, great, great, great grandfather is in it.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

The cat should be in the movie because he is a time traveler. I know because I just decided he was.

Can the cat be the leader of a tribble army??

The cat ALREADY time travelled. He was originally in Kirk's time, probably doing important things that time travelling cats do. By the time you get to TNG he has already accomplished saving the Enterprise several times over, unbeknownst to the crew.

As I write this I am next to a cat that resembles Spot, who is most likely Spot's progenitor, or possibly Spot will come back in time and have sex with my cat who will then...but you know I've said too much already.

This tangent makes me want to see Cat from Red Dwarf in the Star Trek movie.

Spot isn't a time-traveling cat, but he did switch genders when the writers decided he should give birth to kittens

Maybe it was Nichelle Nichols trying to get the movie yanked from theatres?

What, seriously, Desidiosus?

See if the studio had smarts they'd have commissioned this Onion clip as viral advertisement. It makes me want to go see the movie. Now I'm expecting a fun sci-fi adventure instead of, y'know, a Star Trek movie.

(Another Star Trek III would have been acceptable though, as it was self-parody enough to be kinda fun.)

Really? I thought the Onion was just being dumb.

I didn't think fans of Star Trek would actually hate this.

They're going to be way more upset when they see the movie.

SPOILERS:

They're basing the reboot in essentially an "alternate universe/alternate history" so that they don't have to give a shit about beardo continuity ever again with this series.

Anybody who thinks that the official Star Trek canon has any kind of internal consistency is delusional.

The idea of 'canon' is usually security-blanket OCD bullshit.

Thanks Cleaner, you have given shape to my previously ethereal opinions on all hardcore sci-fi fanboys, but especially Star Trek. They somehow extrapolate all of these intricate theories from what essentially, even with updated CGI effects, would be shown on fucking Tuesday afternoon on the Sci Fi channel if it were made today.

UPDATE: After seeing the movie I have deemed that Star Trek may live. For now.

Or five stars. Whatever.

Hooker's a good cop!

Give 'em the fives stars.

They've lowered our expectations enough that pulling off a competent bit is worth five stars.

i will never get sick of attractive women dissing Star Trek. never.

Did you know they already made Star Trek IV? That you can watch it on your VCR machine since you're stuck a hundred years in the past? And that it's objectively not very good?

Objectively...to people with crippling canon issues.

It's still KIND OF hip and edgy to not like the Onion, so give a year or so.

i never watch the onion but when its posted here its always rather funny.

frankly im not terribly picky about starring things except music. i dunno, if i dont like music i wont star it low.

that just seems means somehow.

i'm pretty sure we're gonna go with the latter. we always do.

Not when most of them are still stretched way beyond their ability to support the premise.