I want candy, bubble gum, and taffy
Skip to the sweet shop with my sweetheart Sandy
Got my pennies saved so I'm her sugar daddy
I'm her Hume Cronyn and she's my Jessica Tandy, I want candy!

Put it in a pile, split it with my bitty 50/50 down the line
kinda like close encounters of the cavity kind
I'm talkin' licorice kisses, talkin' chocodile smiles

I want candy, i got a sugar tooth
put on your shin guards, Sandy, 'cause i wanna knock boots
lick my peppermint stick til' the lollipop droops
gumdrop that don't stop til' it's licked knot loose


I need candy bubble gum, and taffy
get in my way punk, you're gonna get ya ass beat, nasty
Do it till your dad sees, embarrass your family
Just 'cause you came between a kid and his candy
I need candy, any kind'll do
Don't care if it's nutritious or "FDA approved"
It's gonna make me spaz like bobcats on booze
A hyperactive juice that only I can produce

And fuel a giant drill, bore straight into Hell
Releasing ancient demons from their sleep forever spell
So they can walk upon the earth, and get resituated
And Hock the diet pills that MC Pee Pants has created

I need candy, want some candy, eat candy til' I'm dead
I'll kill you for some candy, give me candy, gimme head!
Where you keepin' all the candy?!
Who made you candy king?!
If you dont give me some candy, I will make the ladies sing!

(ladies)
Candy, in tha morning, candy on the way to school
Candy, at school, at lunch in the afternoon
Candy, in school, on your way home from school
Candy, at diner, at dinner, in bed!

Mess up the mix, mix up the mess
Come on down yo, here's the address
At 6-1-2 Wharf Avenue,

Right next to, the gentlemen's club.

If this existed in high school it might have gotten me laid.