80s Cartoon Turtles were the best Turtles and OG (original-grimdark) TMNT fans are friendless neckbeard douchebags, so you needn't apologize.

But this looks awful. And Ms Fox, you ain't the worst looking bird in Hollywood, but I wanted Ariana Grande to play April. Sorry.

I was a youth when I saw "Secret of the Ooze," and even I noticed how the anti-violence crowd had gotten a hold of it.

If I remember correctly, the only character to use his weapons was Leonardo, and he just stuck his swords in stuff (like a ceiling) and swung from them, as opposed to using them to even mock-fight defeat someone. I believe Michelangelo even used sausages instead of nunchuks in the opening scene.

Well the first one was pretty violent for a kids' movie.. people getting hit with baseball bats and other stuff that I won't spoil for the one person who on here who may have not seen it.. there was a ban at my elementary school because kids would make their own nunchucks or beat each other up with sticks yelling "Turtle Power".

Like we weren't gonna do it anyway.

The Jar-Jar Binks effect. Rather than leaving them a tad cartoony-looking yet making them look like part of the environment, they start throwing textures, wrinkles, human-looking eyes, etc. at what are, in essence, cartoon characters until they look like they could star in the next Hellraiser movie.

Also, I don't recall them being quite that tall and behemoth-like before, which kind of made you root for them as underdogs, or so I thought.

A quick image search didn't do much, but I think Donatello was the tall one and Michaelangelo was the short one. In the cartoons they were all shorter than April, but in the movie I think they were taller and definitely bigger than April.

There are two things wrong with this:
Michael Bay, one of the worst directors (story-wise) working today.
Megan Fox, the porn actress who somehow keeps getting work in regular movies.

Now, I'd point that out about any film they worked on. I'm not a huge fan of Transformers or TMNT, but I can say that the only good thing about Transformers was Peter Cullen.

I'd just rather a 5 million dollar film be good, re-imagined or not. Bay hasn't delivered on a film I could enjoy without feeling my brain trying to head for the nearest exit. He makes blockbusters that are all action and no substance, and if that brings in money for the studio, great, he's a success. It doesn't mean his films aren't crap.

SPK nails it. There's no way you're going to out-hip the rest of us manchildren by claiming to see nothing wrong with a Bay-Fox production.

betamax:


mediocrity shouldn't be celebrated or encouraged.

that's really all there is to it.

YOU'RE ALL JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE MICHAEL BAY GETS TO DREAM FOR A LIVING.

Just another caustically shit movie that's loosely based on some rancid scat marketed to kids, of which fuck-bastards violently ejaculate braincells over.

Yeah, I'm disappointed the Foot aren't ninjas. Secret-ninja-cult-in-modern-America was one of the things that really worked in the original movie. Shredder and co. whipping street punks into shape was a cool idea.

Hard to market villains that primarily recruit from a ninja-themed Taliban training camp in the middle of NY, unless the movie has SEAL Team Six blasting the shit out of their eyeballs.

As it is, this trailer probably has more turtle-time than the actual movie. Which will be shit.

The Rock wasn't shit.

Yes it was.

*ahem* I'll keep saying it, but try watching Pain and Gain. If you vicariously lived through the Sun Gym Gang news stories like I did (still one of the most entertainingly stupid botched crimes in American history) you'll find it entertaining. It also forgoes the normal Bay-esque explosions and shit, except for when, well they actually happened.

Ed Harris is awesome in it, as are Tony Shaloub and Anthony Mackie. Whalberg is typical Whalberg in every movie, but the Rock is charismatic and funnier than usual, and Rob Corddry is a great addition. I'd still only give it a 7.5/10, but overall worth the ride.

I haven't said it yet, but Pain & Gain is an awful, mean, and humourless movie.

The Rock was a lot of fun, though.

"Fun" has now become synonymous with "stupid" when talking about movies, and that's largely Michael Bay's fault.

Do you hear that, Caminante? That's the sound of me rolling my eyes so hard I have reversed the rotation of the Earth itself.

Thanks JHM for indulging in your personal taste in very young women. God, how close are you to kidnapping a teenage girl to hide in your basement?

>>God, how close are you to kidnapping a teenage girl to hide in your basement?

Not close at all. I live in an attic apartment.

Yeah Yeah, JHM is a pervert, blah blah blah...

Am I wrong? The point is that Megan Fox is terrible, so terrible they seem to have made a conscious decision to keep her speaking her lines out of the trailer. You don't think Emma Stone would make a much better April O'Neil?

Incidentally, if I was THAT much of a hound for young pussy, I'm sure I could name six OTHER actresses who would be better than Megan Fox.

Sorry but after all the Boxxy shit, I can't read your comments about you lusting over barely legal women.

Yeah, but I don't really think Emma Stone is that hot, though. Not since Superbad. She was hot in Superbad, but ever since then, she's just been everybody's little sister. She'd make a great April O' Neal, but frankly, I think I'd rather fuck Megan Fox. I don't know. Neither one of them is on my bucket list.

I would like to hear your list of six other actresses.

I can't name six other actresses, that's the point. But I'm certain there ARE six other actresses who would be better than Megan Fox.

Does it make me a terrible person that I actually find JHM's enthusiastic willingness to talk about everything himself more offensive than his obsession with little girls?

Bullshit, John. Just name the first six actresses that pop into your head, and I can virtually guarantee you they'd make better Aprils than Megan Fox.

The gentleman doth protest too much...!

Mae West, Sigourney weaver, Helen hayes, Merril Streep, Emma Thompson, The skinny chick ftom Twilight.

How many is that?

I guess I see your point.

>>Does it make me a terrible person that I actually find JHM's enthusiastic willingness to talk about everything himself more offensive than his obsession with little girls?

Not really, but it sure doesn't make you an INTERESTING person!

I am not "obsessed with little girls". I am obsessed with one 22 year old woman for reasons having to do with being obsessed with the internet. For Fuck's sake, can't you go impose your obvious, lurid cliches on someone else's life for a little while?

Helen Hayes? Where the fuck did SHE come from?

1980's Lea Thompson in a yellow PVC jumpsuit is the way I'd go. I just need a time machine, maybe Lea knows a doctor or someone who has one?

She came from Washington, DC.

That's how journalism works these days dude. You just walk around waiting for stuff to happen and then stream it to your instumbler whatever.

"Here's some Tweets about the Turtles... ilangenstein84 said, OMG that turtle just totally roundhouse kicked that dude in the face lol. While hockeystik2nutz said, bitch*** foot clan just lernd not to mess with New York woopwoop


Still to come, celebrity selfies disrupted by Turtles, what YOU need to know about this disturbing new trend, and don't forget to keep sending in your favorite pictures and videos!"

Well, great, EvilHomer. You've just given the marketing folks more ammo.

bad boys and bad boys II were both fucking amazing, he's some done some good commercial work, the island is off-track enough to work as well. nothing wrong with having a distinctive albeit quite unapologetic style. zack snyder is considered the thinking mans bay but i don't even see that much of a difference stylistically.

but more importantly, everyone here knows jhmf would pick someone he could get emotionally obsessive over like ellen paige or juno temple. let's hear that fucking list if you think i'm off the money there you bulbous patchilated impotent rancid abscess of a genetic dead end, and more about how specifically you'd fuck megan fox, prolly wouldn't give a care to her needs you clueless lurching creep

Me neither, my only interest at all in this is noting the, shall we say, durability of the franchise considering it started with a black-and-white small press comic that was partly parodying trends in superhero comics at the time, mostly trendy mutants and ninjas. And teenage heroes, of course.

Then TMNT suddenly sort of helped kick off the so-called "black and white boom" of the mid-80s comics market which is usually measured as having started in May 1984, the release of the first-ever issue of TMNT, which had a print-run of 3k, and suddenly got mention in news outlets as an unusual title, piqued interest in buyers, resulting in soaring circulation and back-issue prices which then led to various books attempting to ride in the wake of TMNT flooding comic distributors and shops.

This resulting in a frenzy where new publishers were organized, and all sorts of people tried to get in on the game because printing a black-and-white comic book cost less than it did a color book and the profitability on the enormous distributor orders from the direct market was almost like printing money, and all one had to do was come up with a catchy title or concept and try and sell it, attempting to follow in the Turtles' path or various little flavor-of-the-month trends, and the field became crowded with a lot of people, including a lot of amateurs, pitching any high concept or parody that came into their brains and publishers, quite a few little slapped together outfits, rushed them onto the shelves which quickly became cramped. Speculators and dealers were all trying to cash in. And hey, some of these dodgy titles were in color, from those who felt they could afford to print it as such.

So the bubble had to burst at some point and by the middle of '86 comics retail sales started going down. By early '87 the boom was fading fast and that summer the full “bust” was putting all sorts of careless retailers who'd ordered too many titles that hadn't sold out of business and taking publishers down with them too. The opportunistic knock-offs and other sorts of dreck weren't the only ones who took a hit, so did more wortwhile publishers and retailers and book titles.

:D

Mikshit Bayshit may not be the director but this trailer has the stench of his putrid, watered-down-with-blood-n-puss eyeball secreted semen all over it.

Yes, what oddeye said. Being "only" producer doesn't mean he hasn't tainted this film in other ways.

Because if Batman pulled of a gritty reboot, everything needs a gritty reboot! EVERYTHING! Except the Marvel movies, they're doing just fine with little to no grit.

From some angles and with post processing galore, Megan Fox looks almost as good as Jennifer Connolly.

Manbearding out now. This looks awful. Why not hire Jim Henson's Creature Shop to make new suits for the turtles? Why cast Megan Fox in this? This has none of the appeal of the comics or the 80's cartoon.

"Why cast Megan Fox" is a question that should be asked any time the budget of the film exceeds the required narcotics for the rest of the cast, the warehouse set, and condom purchases.

I thought Michael Bay had personally kicked her out of the Illuminati. What gives? Has Ms Fox successfully completed her atonement?

Tits?

I grew up as a Turtles fan, but I'm so fucking over it I can't even tell you. I saw the CGI movie a few years ago and it was fun nostalgia but pretty mediocre. This trailer says to me that the movie is for somebody else.

hahahaha "CGI movie"
"nostalgia"

ahahahahahahahahhaa

I still remember the PIZZA HUT commercial that literally came with the VHS tape of the first live action film.

Well, I was in 1st grade when the original live action TMNT movie came out, and I still remember the faces of jaded older turtle fans in the theater rows behind me. I was quite disappointed that the first trilogy never featured Krang, Rocksteady, Bebop, Rat King, Baxter Stockman or the Technodrome. So yeah, when a new Turtles movie came out a while back I checked it out. I just no longer have the desire to see any new interpretations of turtles that doesn't feature the characters and tone that I remember enjoying.

I LOVE the first Ninja Turtles movie. The cartoon was okay. I wasn't really into the franchise. But I keep wanting to read the comics. Those look interesting.