In communist China, firework burn you!

Well you'd think those goddamned chinamen would have them fire poppers figured out by now especially since we sent them out into those godforsaken sierras with a good ten score mule load of TNT to blast out a hollar path for good old Union Pacific, and sure as shit they did a bang-up job, specially through the Donner pass, but hell, looks like 'ol chang is havin himself a heck of an old time dealin with even the simplest of pageantry - and you know it kills me 'cause my Pa sure as shit made a couple of chinamen friends up there in Coloma around the time James Marshall was tryin' to suck up to that sack-o-shit lyin' Swede James Sutter and he said they weren't half bad folk despite their tendency to squirrel away sluice pickins and fry up even the smallest trout and squawfish. Boy it pains my heart to see the kind folk of Changshoo or whathaveyou see this kind of firey mishap on behalf of some sort of incomprehensible celebration, but the world has moved on as the man says.

Oh. Huh. That's nice. Pretty. I don't see what the...

OH OH FUCK RUN

And we're terrified of them for some reason.

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Regulations like fire codes and such are just unnecessary in this country. I can shoot my fireworks dangerously close to people's faces if I WANT, damnit.