Antlers are the one thing deer have to look forward to, and even then only the males. Don't take that away from them, narrator.

Good advice for those fancy deer.

It is indeed a horrifying planet.

The Onion isn't bullshitting here; even the etymology of the word "deer" is on board with this:

"Middle English der, Old English dēor beast; akin to Gothic dius beast, Old High German tior"

The deer is the generic animal.

Deer are giant rats with hooves.